Dark Protections

Raphael will hold my hand as I walk through the gates to Damnation today. The many souls that are trapped there cannot touch me, as my two angels walk with me. Gabriel on my right, and Raphael on my left, shielding me from the claws of the desperate spectres. But in this fight, my fight for sanity, I battle alone. The darkest phantom has appeared again to torment me once more. ZJ. I sighed wearily when he asked me the question again. My answer has been a consistent no for the past few years, and nothing has changed. Even if it cuts me up inside to know what I've lost, my answer is still no. I am shielding myself from his tainted love, twisted as it is. In fact, I'm doing the same for MC. I was at the Esplanade all by my lonesome at midnight yesterday. And I asked him if he happened to be in town, just an innocent question. I could have done with some company while waiting for the girls to arrive. He said he'd just left the town area, but gave me an open invitation to his house. I laughed quietly, and declined the invitation. He's cute, tan, buff. My reasons for not pursuing this are many. Sigh. I don't know. I see shadows flitting around the house once more, busy plotting my downfall. ZJ, you left a deep scar on my heart when you left me alone to rot in my dark castle with my demons. And it is because of you that I am afraid to follow what my heart tells me about MC. I pined for you for close to four years, and now I'm almost free. Almost. So don't come back, you're uninvited. MC...*sigh* It has been sweet, this young flower that is blossoming in spite of my bitterness. Still, the fact remains that my powers of darkness are not strictly confined to my castle, and I don't want you to leave when you find out the many demons that stalk me through the corridors of life. I'd rather you leave now, when I am strong. Strong enough to live without any illusions that you might just be the guy I've been looking for. I'm terribly afraid that I might not be able to walk away from this. He leaves this country next week, coming back on the 30th of April. I don't know anymore. This isn't the shadowed prince I used to know. So it is true. Emotion weakens us. I cannot love these two men, for very different reasons. And that is my final stand.
Cupid's arrows are tipped with poison.