Dark Driftings

I took a walk in the rain. Lightning danced above me, and everywhere diamond-drops were glistening and glittering, cold as ice and falling freely, each one a shard that stung. I hardly cared that tears mingled with the hard, freezing drops of rain. The wind was a knife that sliced straight through me, but still I kept moving. My mind moved with me, contemplating where everything had unravelled, wondering what power I possessed to heal these rifts that have opened. Everyone's leaving. I only have my pianos left. I'm running on empty these past few days, but my illusions remain taut around me, deflecting questions for now. 2 more weeks of this. Then I can talk to Yammy about the emotions that are swirling through me, ignored and growing wilder by the day. The walls of ice are my last resort, and when all hope is lost, I will turn inward and speak only to my one and only treasured possession and sole companion through all these years. Secrecy is one of my strongest traits, and perhaps it is time that I returned to my roots. The sandman has come for me tonight. I go willingly. The next time I drift away on wings of the darkest shade of black, I pray that I never will return to this empty shell and its equally empty existence. I have not quite figured out what it is that I see or where it is I go to when I drift, but I no longer care. Depression has me in its iron grip, and I see no way out of the quandary I'm in. Understand that I will not die by my own hand, not after what I've seen. But neither will I fight Azrael to cling on to this life and this world when I was never meant to be here in the first place. There is a strange calm that descends upon one's person while they're waiting for death. Perhaps this husk will slough away and dissolve into dust, and I can finally move on into the next realm where perhaps there is a place for me. I will slowly allow my ties to every person to wilt and wither away to nothingness. It is only right.
Are we at war tonight? Will there be angels whispering to me goodnight?