Dark Bloodust

Pain. I have spoken of it many times before, but this time, the expression that it's tearing me up from the inside is quite literal. I was literally rolling around in agony, wishing I could rip out the stitches that hold my wounded flesh together while my cats watched me curiously. I'm gritting my teeth furiously while I type, wishing I have a chewtoy or something. Just anything to take the edge off! My one consolation is that I'm determined to go through this healing without the aid of pills, and I have managed for the past few days without any painkillers. My temper, famously short in the first place, has grown even shorter, and that is precisely why I have retreated to this wooded villa where I am free to smoke and think and curse life. My dad, dark angel that he is, has miraculously left me to my own devices while he tracks down his target. I have no interest in Lucifer's plans, and this is something Asmodeus will not reveal to me. I don't give a damn. I have collected some old memories that lie buried in the earth around here, and I plan on bringing them back with me. I'll be leaving soon, my protections have dulled and will likely collapse by tomorrow. I had a restless night yesterday, and I cannot hold out for much longer here, even though this place is beautiful at sunrise. My threads hold fast, and I know that they grow firmer by the day. I must fly home quickly, by noon tomorrow I will be gone from this dark castle where my father holds court. I have barely spoken to him, was quite surprised that he picked me up from the plaza in his shiny new car. Still, there is no warmth here, and that disturbs me. I should expect no less from the home of a fallen angel, right? I know why I'm hesitating to end this post. Firstly, writing distracts me from the bonecrushing pain radiating through my mortal form, and secondly...sigh. Glenn's online. ZJ has gone off on another one of his irrational tangents again, blaming me for the stress between him and Dan. GOD.DAMN.IT. This pain is overwhelming! Can you believe I've only smoked 2 sticks for the past 5 days? Jeebus Cries. I'm in pain, and somehow talking to Glenn is helping. Ah, fuck it. We cannot discover new oceans unless we have the courage to lose sight of the shore. Got that crappy sentimental saying from my superior's cubicle. RAPHAEL! Where are you...