Dark Mess

It is nice to have the black veil of night to obscure the ruins around me. Under the harsh light of day, the destruction I have wrought upon my kingdom is magnified a hundredfold. I walked through the cold corridors as the dark clouds shielded me from the heat of the morning sun. Even now my domain remains damp and dim, just the way I like it. The breezes are colder, razoring across the fields and warning everything attuned to them of the oncoming thunderstorm. My eyes have turned puffy from lack of sleep, but my energy is still on high. I have allowed the poisons in me to accumulate, and suddenly I am reminded once more of the sensitivity of my veins. They have begun to sting slightly, but the pain isn't overwhelming. I am unconcerned with earthly matters at the moment; most of my attention is fixed on the dark clouds above. I see two, three rays of sunlight piercing through the clouds. More shafts are lancing their way towards the earth, and I'm holding my breath, hoping the wounds in my clouds will close and heal. It is a lost cause. More ragged rips are appearing, and the clouds are losing their fight against the mighty fires of the sun. *sighs* I am nearly incandescent with energy, powerful enough to rival the sun. The sandman has abandoned me, but I am not surprised. He was always a treacherous ally, and today I will have to suffer the unchecked heat of the sun if the thunderclouds fail me, since I cannot sleep the discomfort away. I think the clouds will hold for a little while longer. Not the powerful thunderstorm I would have liked, but a steady drizzle that will make the day grey, wet and cold. I would have preferred black, windy and freezing but oh well. Talking about the weather appears to have soothed me. The most recent wounds I sustained have begun to heal, and the memories have begun to fade. I fought to save my kingdom, but in the end I was overwhelmed by powers greater than my own. There is no point in having anything that is less than perfect, therefore I razed whatever still stood after the latest attack. I have grown to mirror the mood of the weather, and right now I am cold and uncaring. Whatever else I may say or do, these two attributes best describe me right now. Anything else is but an illusion only the greatest can see through. This is my decision. To hold everyone else away from the dark mess that is hidden behind my facade of uncaring nonchalance. I drift along on the winds, seemingly ignorant to the fact that the world is moving everyone else along a much faster pace, but I know I don't have much time left. I have not been able to breathe freely these past few days, but I am skilled in the art of lying, even to myself. Whenever my heart skipped a beat, I gave a mental shrug and ignored the pain that radiated through my chest. The toxins linger on in my systems, and things nearly came to a head last night when the air thickened around me. I could not breathe, and I could feel my head getting lighter. The edges of my vision began to blacken before I fought back my body's desire for unconsciousness. These things, I can only ever write about them. Battles always leave me drained and susceptible to poisonous influences. The sun has begun to burn through the last of the clouds, and it is leaching the last of my strength from me. I am weary and worn down to the bone, and even my own deep hibernation yesterday (12 hours of sleep, mark you) isn't enough. I cannot bring myself to crawl into my corner. Perhaps I'll allow myself to rest on the sofa for once. I've only ever slept on it twice. Today's writing seems to be rather fragmented, even for me. The diluted sunlight that reaches me is like acid on my eyes. My eyes are falling closed, and a light sweat has dewed my temples. The last time I was this tired was...*tries to remember* Back in school. I finally collapsed on the stairs, and of course it just so happened that the English teacher I was crushing on was right behind me. The Fates are known to be tricky. *sighs* I am an internal mess today. It shows, spilling out from inside me to influence the physical space which I inhabit. The darkness is fading, and suddenly the cesspool looks filthier, even to my twisted eyesight. Speaking of eyesight, I have to remember to go down to the optician to collect that godawful pair of specs I absolutely abhor. *looks Heavenward* Oh come on, it's a sucky day, let's just have an allout thunderstorm already! Complete everyone else's vision of major suckiness. I'll be the one dancing in the wild fields as the winds cut through the air like chilled blades. *sigh* Ah, they never did listen to me anyway. I think I'll lie face down in my corner and not move until the heat finally dissipates from the air. If I sit here a minute longer I swear I'll burst into flames. I wish the sun came with temperature control. I have a 4pm date with my old Challen. I love Yammy to bits, but I want to see how the Challen survived the move and its independence from me. Ok. I've rambled on enough, spewed a load off my chest, and now I'm really going to try and get some sleep. Really.
Hide my mess from the world, and I'll take care of the rest.