Psychic Realisation

Three years of loving someone so powerfully, and it took me ten seconds to fall out of it. Add me on Trevvy. J----------. Well, you know the old saying about leaving well enough alone. Being the ever-curious one, I checked out his profile. How could I resist? With half-baked notions of seeing his lopsided grin and that familiar sparkle in his eyes. So off I went to Trevvy, and typed in his username. The result? I realised he's not the boy I fell in love with. Sure, he's added on more muscle (of that I am jealous) and he looks happier. But he isn't who I'm in love with. I doubt that the boy I once would have given the world to still lingers on within the shell of the man I saw. He's gone. That one sentence reverberated through my mind, and left me feeling slightly dizzy. To quote myself from the conversation I had with Yushaa last night: "I waited THREE YEARS for CRAP?!" Ahahahaha. Oh, the funny ways of life. Well, he doesn't look crappy zactly, just that...it's not him anymore. Anyone else who sees him would probably see some cute hunk, but that's not who I want. He's a completely different person. Suddenly all the puzzling pieces fall into place. Why he refuses to meet us anymore, why he's been avoiding everyone who used to know him. He's not who he used to be, and while I know the same can be said for anyone and everyone over the course of three years, THIS is extreme to the max. The slightly nerdy and completely endearing cutie I tried to protect is gone. This man is capable of things I never would have believed ZJ was. He's J now, and the ZJ I knew is gone. Have I mentioned that? He's gone, and it feels oh-so-fucking great. You live, you learn. The sun warms my face as I type in the afterglow of dawn. A new day. And I've been liberated from one of the darkest loves I've ever experienced. Ups and downs, and now I'm back on terra firma. I feel so blissfully happy in the wake of this sudden realisation, and I feel as though I'm on fire and I can join the sun in the sky as he dances through the heavens, not caring that he will die in a matter of hours at the hands of his treacherous lunar queen. I don't care, either. Yammy is here, I'm no longer in love with J, I've rebuilt broken bridges, and suddenly it is as though I've sprouted wings and elevated myself to new heights. It makes me grin slightly as I think back on all the stupid things I've said and done for ZJ. Ah, well. *winks* At least it's funny to me now. Yushaa! Stop laughing! Hahahaha. Anyway, the world has begun to stir from its deep slumber, and I think I'll serenade the morning with Yammy. Funny how a few seconds can change the world as I know it. If I hadn't made that rare visit to Trevvy and checked him out, I never would have realised it and still continued pining away for a boy who no longer exists. Well, I wish you well, J. Don't forget protection, always be careful, don't give your all away on the first date...did I leave out anything else? Oh, yes. GOODBYE! Haha. I'm sorry. It's just funny to think that after all these years, I can finally think of you without any hint of melancholy or wistful longing. Ah, well. You can't be faulted. All those times I ignored your bad grammar, your poor grasp of the English language, and now I finally understand why we used to fight all the time. We're on completely different wavelengths, but I will still love the memories I have. *contented* How fitting that I have a new blog to mark the closing of a chapter that lasted three years. =)
Truth surrounds us unseen, and very few pierce the veil to see beyond.