Psychic Incarceration

Looking around, quietly walking through this space where I have lived for the past three years, I whisper a soft goodbye to everything that I love and cherish. Tonight the facade of chilly indifference melts away as I face the prospect of leaving behind everything that has made up my world. The Night beckons to me, imploring me to dance with her court attendants, the Winds and the bejeweled Stars. Saying goodbye to everything, to my gardens, to my piano, to my writings, my large castle and its accompanying grounds, but most importantly, I've said goodbye to my freedom. No more running wild under the heavens, letting the winds soothe me whenever I felt pressured. I am nervous, and frightened. But intermingled with my fear and anxiety is another stronger emotion: determination. This is when I'll face up to my flaws and work to correct them. This is when I'll prove to my two dads that I have grown up and that I am capable of living my own life. This is it. I have smsed R that I am leaving, told him that I have finally accepted his decision. He doesn't have to reply, and I know that after our most recent fight and his final cryptic message, he won't anymore. Deep breaths of my final moments of freedom, before I find myself away from the things I love; my last hours are flying past mercilessly. The messages from all my loved ones have helped to ease the sorrow of parting, and even the Night appears to be sighing softly in response to my imminent departure. The scotch bottle is finally empty...and as I drain the last drops from the Big Gulp cup, I hope it will knock me out enough for me to get some rest before I begin my life in hell. No matter what, dads, despite our differences and past histories, I hope that my stoic acceptance of the facts of life will make you proud of me. I will march through the gates of the underworld with my head held high as I whisper a prayer to Gabriel to watch over me.

Despite all the theatrics, I'll be back. :P Expect a bitchy post in a week's time. Enjoy the picture. I know I will. *winks*