Psychic Hauntings

The constant battle to banish my demons is draining. I met one tonight, a phantom from my past. Clement. Clement, Clement, Clement. He used to tower over me, muscled and stern. Now I'm as tall, if not taller. Our eyes met, and I felt a chill when he recognised me. There was a slight pause, and he walked out of the store. I wonder if he knows about R. I wonder if he knows why I left so abruptly. *sighs* It doesn't matter. I wanted to walk up to him and introduce myself as the shadowboy. Dancing at the periphery of your vision, vanishing when you try to pin him with your gaze. He knows about my rocky relationship with Alex, of course he does. The whole damned school knew. A big open secret. *sighs* The teachers sat me down and each tried to dissuade me from continuing whatever it was that we had. R made a mistake there, and it's haunted me ever since. Still, seeing Clement reminded me of who I used to be. I remember the large, old tree that was my refuge, and the notebook I carried around to record emotions in. It had pictures of cats on the cover, a tribute to my many feline companions who made my nights on the streets bearable. I was never lonely. People were drawn to me for some inexplicable reason, as were the cats that roamed the grounds. A fresh wave of pain has hit me tonight, and I remember waking up at 5 to sneak into the school with Alex, and maybe R sometimes. One thing I know for certain, R and Alex disliked each other after our colossal fight that became the talk of the school. I have a tendency to fall for dramatic men. Storming out of class in the middle of a lesson is a dead giveaway. It destroyed a lot of relationships, and suddenly I was in a bright spotlight. R tried to convince me to stay, to give it another chance, but I'd had enough with the town and its prejudice towards me. So many memories were formed there, and so few that I do want to remember. The toilets where Alex and I sealed a bond, the classroom where R first tried to hit on me, the musicbooks that I loved so very much in the musty library. Have I always been aloof? Only R can truly answer that question, having seen so much of me and still keeping in contact. If only he'd learn to control his lust, and not end up fucking me everytime we meet. *sigh* I do miss him, miss talking to him about the good times we had in school. I could bend this new guy, the same way I bent Justin, but what would be the point? It'll hurt everyone in the long run. So...no bending. I miss R. Think I'll ring him up tomorrow. *shrugs* Whatever. I have to face my phantoms someday. Funny how it's such a small goddamned world. Who else is going to pop out tomorrow? *shudders*