Dark Clouds

My books lie open and untouched on the table. The clouds are gathering overhead, and I wonder what I'm doing to myself and to the people around me. I'm down to my last pack of cigarettes, and I'm only leaving the office tomorrow morning. I don't think I'll last the night with only 17 sticks. I've been wounded yet again. A double whammy by the two men who only weeks ago seemed like angels to me. I have nothing left to say to you, Justin. You chose this path when you left me five years ago. So be it. I know the only reason why you came back is because you believe I can protect you from your own demons. Well, you've damned yourself by hurting me all those years ago. You're not getting any help from me. I won't say anything regarding MC, just that...he's not...he doesn't measure up to my standards, intellectually and emotionally. Sometimes I can be really stupid when it comes to matters of the heart. I plunge right in without thinking and curse myself for the consequences after everything's over. Well...it's time to raise the seals again. To protect myself from the demonic Cupid that haunts me. Soon the storm will unleash a flurry of cleansing needles and I will be out there dancing among the crystalline drops from heaven. Just for today, I will revert back to the cold, merciless demon JB believes I am. And the sigils of hatred and destruction that have been lying dormant in my person will be brought back to life by the dark despair running through my veins. From the deepest well of darkness: my own heart.
I need people like you to remind me to walk in the light.
But sometimes, just sometimes, this dark power can be exhilarating.