Dark Disconnection

Something has gone terribly wrong. I can't remember ever being afraid of the rumble of thunder. I've danced in many storms, but this one frightens me. Out of all the human emotions, I detest fear and weakness the most. Yet as I sit in my garden, I feel disconnected from the night. The gentle hum of nocturnal insects seems alien to me, and every shadow that flickers makes me jumpy. Is it the 7th month effect? I can't remember ever feeling cold in the night. Yet on this dark stormy night, I am shivering. I've walked around in winter wearing nothing but shorts and a shirt, but there is something off about the night, and this is Singapore. The cigarette smoke blinds me, and the slightest breeze makes me tremble. I feel cold. The winds are scaring me, they sound like they're growling. What has happened to make me feel so out of place at night, watching a storm unfold? This isn't right. To make things worse, I could have sworn I heard someone walking just beyond the wrought-iron gates, the soft rustling sound of no animal I recognise. A light drizzle is falling, a precursor to the mighty storm I sense brewing. It is with immense relief that I hear stirring coming from within the dark house behind me; the maid is getting something to eat. She does that sometimes, and it is oddly comforting to have another nocturnal person in the house with me. I cannot fathom this latest development. I have slowly been disconnecting from my world. JJ, my girls, my piano. I don't understand it myself, and I am not one to run from the unknown. I explore it, really, which explains why I'm still here in the garden, watching the curtain of rain thicken from a mere trickle to a fullblast thunderstorm. Feathery drops are falling gently onto the blossoms before me, and the swing rocks gently in the unfriendly wind. When did I lose the ability to walk as one of Night's children? Have I been disowned by the Great Mother of Darkness? Even cats no longer walk up to greet me as I pass. It is discomfiting to see the changes in myself. I have been sleeping through the night more often. Is that why I no longer carry her mark upon my soul? Is that why the darkness frightens me now, why every slight breeze makes me jumpy? I don't know. All I know is that I am pulling away from all the things that make me who I am, and I didn't even realise it. Perhaps a few more nights in the garden, away from the routine of normalcy...maybe that will help me find what I've lost. I don't even know what is missing, how the night can seem so cold and unfriendly, and why I am suddenly so distant with people who have the rare ability of completing my sentences for me.
What has changed?