Dark Withdrawal

I have drawn away from everyone and everything. My piano sits forlornly in his corner, silent and untouched. There is nothing more to say. This war is eternal, and it has been made clear to me that this battle is solely mine to fight. I have lost my twin blades, I have lost my dark wings, I have lost my ability to weave perfect illusions. I am down on my knees tonight, with my trusty pack and the lonely, lonely moon. The winds sigh softly as Night cups me in her palm. I can no longer look up at the heavens and pray that Gabriel will grant me redemption. I am tired. Still, I remember this word from so long ago, back when I was free to roam the gardens at night. Lygophilic.My nature has been warped from my dismal attempts to conform to societal expectations. "Social engineering!" If only you knew, Johann. As it is, even you can sense the frost that surrounds me. I have not completely lost my skill in the veiled arts of secrecy and illusion; not yet. But there are moments when my facade slips and the deep pain and sorrow I feel bleed through. What is gone will be lost forever, like inscriptions on stone that are slowly weathered away to nothingness. Life is senseless, to continue living and sinning and breathing is just as senseless. Yet I find a slight comfort in this dark space where I have lived for over a year. I frighten myself with the strength of my thoughts, and the dark nature I believe I have inherited from my mother Lilith. It is empowering, but terrifying to know the amount of power I possess, and the lives that I can destroy with my gifts. I believe Gabriel deserts me at the moment of my darkening, returning only when I have successfully banished these hateful demons. It is a tiresome dance, and I fear someday, I will succumb to the temptation of using my dark gifts to punish those who have slighted me in the smallest of ways. I am at a crossroads. Gabriel will not help, this I know for sure. My next step is irreversible, and it will determine my future. For now, I am safe. It is the weekend, and I can get some much-needed rest. I think it is time I take a stroll through the leafy paths that form the vast gardens in my kingdom. I hope the Night will soothe the ragged edges of my soul and heal my pain, because I do not know where it comes from. I shall withdraw from the world until the storm within me calms. I send my prayer on the winds, and I hope they will convey my heart's message to the 7, especially Gabriel and Raphael.
Raphael, I'm not as close to you as I am to Gabriel, but I am in desperate need of healing.